My Year of No

I’ve read Shonda Rhimes’ book, Year of Yes, at least twice (if not more). I LOVE it! Saying yes to the scary, uncomfortable things is totally my jam. Finding courage, getting out of your own way, and pushing yourself to try new things are all things I can easily get behind. 

When I read the book at the beginning of this year (2022) I decided my yes needed to be different. I was going to say yes to saying no. I’m calling 2022 the year of no.

So, what led me to a year of no? 

Thanks for asking. It’s what you all can probably imagine/relate to. A mixture of burnout, re-evaluating my priorities as things opened up and the pandemic was improving, and (the most important thing on the list) realizing that I need to change certain things about myself.

At the beginning of the year I looked up and realized I was doing too much. I joined 3 alumni committees/volunteer commitments, I had an unexpected move, I was trying to find my routine with working from home, and I hadn’t taken enough restful vacations in a few years. 

Something had to give so I went back to the basics. What is most important to me? Is that aligned with how I’m currently spending my time and energy? If not, how can I fix it?

I immediately decided a plan of action for 2022:

• Choose one ongoing volunteer commitment (ONLY ONE!)

• Intentionally make time for friends/family

  • I spent two weeks at home over the summer (worked from home most days and took a few half days off to enjoy my family)

• Go on at least two trips just for me/to relax 

  • Thankfully I had a retreat booked in May

  • I did a one night trip to catch up with friends and spend some time in a new place 

• REST!!! Leave more unplanned time in my life

  • I started telling people who wanted to schedule calls, “I don’t like scheduling my free time but call me when you can and if I’m available I would love to chat.” OR “These days (insert days/time) usually work best, but I am trying to leave my personal time open so I don’t want to schedule anything. Let’s try that and if it doesn’t work we can re-group.”

  • Have at least one weekend a month with no plans. If I end up making a last minute plan that’s fine, but I needed space without expectations. 

• Focus on my health

  • My goal for this year is to get in the best shape of my life. I want to eat at home more, eat healthier foods, and move more. I missed group fitness classes in 2020/2021 and was excited to make them a part of my routine. 

• Get in touch with what I like about me. I thought this would be easy but my therapist challenged me to pick characteristics about myself that aren’t attached to anyone else. Man! I had no clue how hard this one would be. 

This is a long list and after writing it on one page I didn’t even realize how this all was coming together as it was happening.

Here’s how things went. 

My updates as of October 2022:

• Choose one ongoing volunteer commitment (ONLY ONE!)

  • Update: Such a great shift! I picked the commitment where I could have lots of impact, with minimal face-to-face time. I wanted to say YES to the thing I could consistently show up for. 

  • What I learned: Giving back doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Every bit counts. 

• Intentionally make time for friends/family

  • Update: Loved this! Two weeks is a long time so next year I may do shorter, more frequent trips. For 2023 I’m thinking about one week during basketball season for my nephews and one week in July. 

  • What I learned: It’s nice to visit family and not be rushed or have too many things planned. It’s also nice to pick a few things to look forward to while you’re home. I like to plan 1-2 family activities or dinners where we can intentionally connect.

• Go on at least two trips just for me/to relax 

  • Update: The retreat was what my SOUL needed! It led to me launching my podcast so I will be forever grateful. The solo trip was also amazing. I liked that I was free to do what I wanted but in a place where I had friends and could intentionally schedule time to connect with them. Best of both worlds! 

  • What I learned: I’m going to keep my tradition of at least one staycation or solo night/year. This is necessary for me to reset. 

• REST!!! Leave more unplanned time in my life

  • Update: This is one of my favorite changes! I can feel my creativity coming back and it feels amazing. I love my free time feeling fun and free (and not like work). On Labor Day I met up with a friend and her son at the mall and we had the best time shopping, eating lunch, and catching up. Time flew by and 4-5 hours later, we left feeling super fulfilled. I need more fun days like this in my life! 

  • What I learned: I don’t like my fun/free time events to all be planned super far in advance. It takes some of the fun away. I’m super thankful for friends who are willing to make last minute plans and who are open to random adventure days. 

• Focus on my health

  • Update: This one is hard. I came into this year thinking losing weight was my biggest goal but I now have something so much better. I have food freedom! I’ve lost 10 pounds (far from my goal), but I am not on a diet and I can see the changes in my body composition. 

  • What I learned: I refuse to eat only salads to have a certain body. For me to have sustainable health/weight loss I have to focus on small, sustainable changes. Slow and steady has really helped me focus on the bigger picture of my health and not get stuck on the scale. 

• Get in touch with what I like about me (characteristics about myself that aren’t attached to anyone else). 

  • Update: I love my own company! Lol I love spending time with friends and family but I also love alone time. I can’t remember the last time I was bored. Giving myself time/space to just be has allowed me to get comfortable with not always doing things. THANK GOD!

  • What I learned: I get the best ideas/do my best work when I have time/space that is free to do other things. Our brains need space to work properly. Thinking is such a gift and sometimes turning your brain off is a gift. Walking is an activity that is restful for me and allows my brain the space to rest. 

There’s so much I didn’t cover here, but overall I am SO THANKFUL for finding the good in goodbye and the beauty in NO! I’ve experienced more freedom this year than any other time in my life. I’m carrying my nos into 2023 with me, and can’t wait to add some yeses along the way. Hope you follow along for the journey!

Life as we know it

COVID-19 came and changed our world. The way we live is completely altered, and I do not know what things will look like once we return to our “normal” way of life. What I do know is that I want to cultivate a new normal.

For the last week and a half I’ve been in my apartment overthinking pretty much everything. This has forced me to sit with all my emotions and thoughts - good and bad. I want to create more space to sit with my thoughts in the future.

All this extra time and the inability to see my loved ones in person has forced me to make more calls, use facetime more, and send more texts. I have found time for all the things I make excuses about not having time for.

Life is much slower. I am learning how to cook and I am making the most of what I have. I realized I don’t need as much as I thought I did and I definitely don’t need to spend as much as I usually do. I don’t remember the last time I purchased something other than food at the grocery store.

My heart goes out to all those who don’t have a safe place to go, the families having to decide between keeping the lights on or paying rent, and the kids whose only refuge was going to school. When I think of these things and of the families who have lost loved ones, the sick, the elderly, the business owners, and the cancelled life events my heart hurts. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve thought a lot and I’ve taken action. I help where I can and rest when needed.

Right now I’ve found the best things I can do are to keep moving my body daily, eat healthy foods, stay connected to the people I love, and limit social media. And most importantly, I’m trying to remember we are all doing the best we can and “the best” looks different from person to person.

So cheers to less judgement, more love, and more community during this crazy, unprecedented time.

Much love,

Rachel

Finding Joy in the Chaos

Some of the personal work I’m doing this year is learning to find peace and joy in the craziness of life. For so long I based my happiness on the next big thing - summer break, a new job, a fun vacation, making more money, and the list goes on. I was always waiting for some future event to solve my problems and bring the joy I was craving.

I’ve learned that there will always be a next thing and if I’m always chasing something in the future as my source of joy I miss out on the present moment and I’ll never be content. Posting joy-filled pictures makes me happy not because my life is perfect or always fun but because in the midst of the struggle I’m fighting to still find beauty in each day and peace in the midst of chaos.

Learning to sit with seemingly contradicting emotions is a skill and a gift.

So today cheers to feeling peace, fear of the unknown, excitement for the work I’m doing, gratitude for the people in my life and overwhelmed with my to do list. I can feel all of those things and still find joy in the messy process of life.