My Year of No
I’ve read Shonda Rhimes’ book, Year of Yes, at least twice (if not more). I LOVE it! Saying yes to the scary, uncomfortable things is totally my jam. Finding courage, getting out of your own way, and pushing yourself to try new things are all things I can easily get behind.
When I read the book at the beginning of this year (2022) I decided my yes needed to be different. I was going to say yes to saying no. I’m calling 2022 the year of no.
So, what led me to a year of no?
Thanks for asking. It’s what you all can probably imagine/relate to. A mixture of burnout, re-evaluating my priorities as things opened up and the pandemic was improving, and (the most important thing on the list) realizing that I need to change certain things about myself.
At the beginning of the year I looked up and realized I was doing too much. I joined 3 alumni committees/volunteer commitments, I had an unexpected move, I was trying to find my routine with working from home, and I hadn’t taken enough restful vacations in a few years.
Something had to give so I went back to the basics. What is most important to me? Is that aligned with how I’m currently spending my time and energy? If not, how can I fix it?
I immediately decided a plan of action for 2022:
Choose one ongoing volunteer commitment (ONLY ONE!)
Intentionally make time for friends/family
I spent two weeks at home over the summer (worked from home most days and took a few half days off to enjoy my family)
Go on at least two trips just for me/to relax
Thankfully I had a retreat booked in May
I did a one night trip to catch up with friends and spend some time in a new place
REST!!! Leave more unplanned time in my life
I started telling people who wanted to schedule calls, “I don’t like scheduling my free time but call me when you can and if I’m available I would love to chat.” OR “These days (insert days/time) usually work best, but I am trying to leave my personal time open so I don’t want to schedule anything. Let’s try that and if it doesn’t work we can re-group.”
Have at least one weekend a month with no plans. If I end up making a last minute plan that’s fine, but I needed space without expectations.
Focus on my health
My goal for this year is to get in the best shape of my life. I want to eat at home more, eat healthier foods, and move more. I missed group fitness classes in 2020/2021 and was excited to make them a part of my routine.
Get in touch with what I like about me. I thought this would be easy but my therapist challenged me to pick characteristics about myself that aren’t attached to anyone else. Man! I had no clue how hard this one would be.
This is a long list and after writing it on one page I didn’t even realize how this all was coming together as it was happening.
Here’s how things went.
My updates as of October 2022:
Choose one ongoing volunteer commitment (ONLY ONE!)
Update: Such a great shift! I picked the commitment where I could have lots of impact, with minimal face-to-face time. I wanted to say YES to the thing I could consistently show up for.
What I learned: Giving back doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Every bit counts.
Intentionally make time for friends/family
Update: Loved this! Two weeks is a long time so next year I may do shorter, more frequent trips. For 2023 I’m thinking about one week during basketball season for my nephews and one week in July.
What I learned: It’s nice to visit family and not be rushed or have too many things planned. It’s also nice to pick a few things to look forward to while you’re home. I like to plan 1-2 family activities or dinners where we can intentionally connect.
Go on at least two trips just for me/to relax
Update: The retreat was what my SOUL needed! It led to me launching my podcast so I will be forever grateful. The solo trip was also amazing. I liked that I was free to do what I wanted but in a place where I had friends and could intentionally schedule time to connect with them. Best of both worlds!
What I learned: I’m going to keep my tradition of at least one staycation or solo night/year. This is necessary for me to reset.
REST!!! Leave more unplanned time in my life
Update: This is one of my favorite changes! I can feel my creativity coming back and it feels amazing. I love my free time feeling fun and free (and not like work). On Labor Day I met up with a friend and her son at the mall and we had the best time shopping, eating lunch, and catching up. Time flew by and 4-5 hours later, we left feeling super fulfilled. I need more fun days like this in my life!
What I learned: I don’t like my fun/free time events to all be planned super far in advance. It takes some of the fun away. I’m super thankful for friends who are willing to make last minute plans and who are open to random adventure days.
Focus on my health
Update: This one is hard. I came into this year thinking losing weight was my biggest goal but I now have something so much better. I have food freedom! I’ve lost 10 pounds (far from my goal), but I am not on a diet and I can see the changes in my body composition.
What I learned: I refuse to eat only salads to have a certain body. For me to have sustainable health/weight loss I have to focus on small, sustainable changes. Slow and steady has really helped me focus on the bigger picture of my health and not get stuck on the scale.
Get in touch with what I like about me (characteristics about myself that aren’t attached to anyone else).
Update: I love my own company! Lol I love spending time with friends and family but I also love alone time. I can’t remember the last time I was bored. Giving myself time/space to just be has allowed me to get comfortable with not always doing things. THANK GOD!
What I learned: I get the best ideas/do my best work when I have time/space that is free to do other things. Our brains need space to work properly. Thinking is such a gift and sometimes turning your brain off is a gift. Walking is an activity that is restful for me and allows my brain the space to rest.
There’s so much I didn’t cover here, but overall I am SO THANKFUL for finding the good in goodbye and the beauty in NO! I’ve experienced more freedom this year than any other time in my life. I’m carrying my nos into 2023 with me, and can’t wait to add some yeses along the way. Hope you follow along for the journey!